THE WHITE HOUSE
Prepared Remarks of President Barack Obama
1st Draft - Back to School Event
Arlington, Virginia
August 8, 2009

President:
“Now I’ve given a lot of speeches about education. And I’ve just talked and talked and talked until nobody’s really listening anymore, and the only audience I’ve got left is you little kids. It’s called “overexposure.”

I’ve talked about taking power away from our 57 states and making a Federal Curriculum and have the federal government be in charge of teaching you, or what we call, indoctrinating (that’s a big word) – indoctrinating you into our socialist way of thinking. We’re bypassing your parents this way.

But at the end of the day, if we can make your school like the largest 50 high schools in urban areas, we’ll have graduation rates less than 50 percent. Remember 50/50 - and all that because of government intervention.

No matter what you want to do with your life – I guarantee that you’ll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or advance as a fireman? You’ve got to work for it and train for it and learn for it. And in the end, you’ll be denied the fireman’s promotion.

You’ll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills that come from biased curriculum that teaches you how terrible Christopher Columbus was for invading America and bringing all the white European culture over here. You can talk all day long about our nation being more fair and more free, but in the end – all you really want is power. Power. There’s nothing like it. Now children – to be a dictator - just ask my buddies Hugo Chavez, Ahmadinejad, and the Castro boys. You just have to work hard and some day you can grow up and be like me and run your own country, too. There were times when I was lonely and felt like I didn’t fit in. Now I’m the MAN – cool, eh?

Now, if you forget everything else I’ve said, today, just remember to wash your hands a lot, and stay home from school as much as possible, even if you have to pretend you’re sick. So finally, I want to ask you, what’s your contribution going to be? How are you going to serve your president, and will you make enough money in the future to pay off the debt I’m passing on to you? You’d all better have very good jobs to pay off trillions and trillions of dollars.

So thank you, so thank you, and God bless me – your president, President Barack Hussein Obama.”

(NOTE: if you know who I am ... please keep it a secret. Shhhhhhhhhhh)